My dear laptop

我的笔记本，又心疼又气愤。心疼是因为我把它甩到地板了，虽然有放在包里没有外伤，但是没有关机有内伤，结果在我正需要它时候它罢工了。昨天，忙碌了一天，它是一点也不理睬我，本来要做赶着写proposal就很心急了。可是，又能怎样还是无可奈何。又恰逢周末Helpdesk没开。没办法，用台式机，可是现在真地用不惯台式机了，不到半个小时，眼睛就很疼，疼得快睁不开，带上眼镜，期望会好些。可是坚持到十点我实在是受不了了，试图修复我的心爱的laptop。Google上一搜还真很快搜到了。不是中病毒，是win32的程序出了问题，是内伤，有个修复程序，非常高兴的下下来，可是运行不到一半就罢工了，一个小时，整台电脑没有一点反应，也听不到硬盘转动的声音。实在是无心看书，无心做事了，强行关掉电源回家。回到宿舍，她们以睡下，一个人呆呆的坐着大半个小时，没有睡意，不想做事。最后还是关灯睡觉，毕竟很晚了。

早上来到学校，还是不死心，决定在修复试试，运行昨天安装的程序，这次到比较顺，算是满快就查完，一共1191个错误，下了一大跳。修复，可是没有注册只能修复4个，这哪里够阿。没办法，先这样喽。不过，还是有效果的，至少现在它可以工作了。速度还在我的忍受范围之内。可是用sas打开一个大数据的时候问题又来了，半天没有反应。重新再来一次，没办法，电脑都是在最需要的时候发挥它的英雄本色----罢工。塔哥建议重装，可是我真的很不想，现在还算可以啦，明天再拿到Helpdesk去看看。不行的时候再说。

保佑啊！早点做好我的thesis，我想回家。加油！
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假期

每次放假之前都雄心勃勃，给自己布置了不少任务（因为我有很多任务一直拖着没做），可是结局都是差不多的，没有心情做，静不下心做。对thesis，开始狂看了10多篇文章，才培养了一点感觉，碰上过年加recess，刚好有假期，本打算好好利用这段时间把我的proposal 写出来。可是，时间过了大半，我还什么都没写。昨天又回到workstation，可是感觉心不在焉，效率很低。下午按原计划去了集邮博物馆，收获不小，我很喜欢。晚上回来，还是没效率。奇怪的是，这两天明明睡得比较多，反而比较困。一边听歌，一边看点书，这样持续了一晚上。

每当这时候都特别想家，那是一个避风的港口，我可以安安稳稳的停刊在那里，什么也不管。呵呵。还是长不大。我很清楚，我不能一直都在那里，我必须勇敢的面对生活，面对每一个挑战。很想打电话回家，但是又爸妈会担心。奇怪，为什么总是这么矛盾。哈哈~所以就这样自己一个人在发呆。

其实，根本没什么大不了的，无聊的时候或者说不想做事的时候，就会把它夸大。还是要在人多时候我才比较有状态，还是喜欢教室里，大家一起自习。想思思了，从中学到大学我们一直一起自习，她定力很好，和她一起自习我的效率一般都比较高。研究生后分开了，联系也少了。那天过年给她打电话了，熟悉的声音。
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大年三十

大年三十了，每年看春晚已经 成了惯例，虽说现在的看头越来越少，但还是少不了这台年夜饭。第一年不在家过年，也是第一次在国外过年，还是通过网上看直播，QQ的效果还是不错的。即将迎来我的本命时代，希望在新的一年大家都创造新的奇迹。
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随想

刚和家人视频，开心，伤心。开心，因为见到他们，听到他们的声音。伤心，因为不能回家和他们一起过年。妈妈从头到尾没有一个想字，却句句道出了想。有人想着是幸福的，特别是你所爱的家人。听爸爸妈妈抢着要跟我讲话我从心底里的开心，感动，又觉得他们也像小孩子一样。我是幸福的，即使没能回家过年，但是我们还是紧紧地在一起。

下午的时候，看到金融时报中文版上有一篇是说我们这一代人个人主义太浓，忽略了家里，即使回家过年，也都是和同伴们一起疯狂，没有几顿饭是和家里人一起吃的。我不否认这是事实，但是庆幸的是，我们家是例外。我和弟弟一年在家的时间很短我们一家团聚的时间也很短。也许是因为这样抑或是别的，我们过年回家虽然是也在外面玩但是一般都回家吃饭。家里的吵闹也是我们家的特色。爸爸妈妈都是急性子。我和弟弟也很好的继承了他们的血统。他们也常为一些小事情吵嘴，我和弟弟就更是哪天没有吵架就阿弥陀佛了。虽说是这样，但是我们又是很疼对方的，不管哪个出事，另一个会比谁都急。小时候，妈妈常说我和弟弟是见面就吵，不在一起的时候倒是很关心对方。 哈哈~~搞不懂，就是这样子的。

“家”字宝盖头下的小猪，所以属猪的我特别恋家。（我自己的解释）
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Thesis topic

I change my thesis topic again. Why?

At the first beginning, I was working on M&A. However, I can not find out a good point to dig in after a long time reading papers. At the same time, I am not sure whether I can find a supervisor working on this topic. And on one empirical finance class, Prof. Wu point out that the methodology used in the paper I presented can be used in the bond market, which can be written as a thesis. Then, I decided to work on it. I came out a research proposal after about two weeks, since the deadline was coming.

Following the winter holiday. I planed to work out the computer program and get the key results. But, but, I waste a lot of time and did not work on my thesis. Time flies, especially when you are enjoying your life. The new semester begin. I have to get down to study. The first result I got is bad, in fact, it opposite to what I expected. Hence, I check the data. Yes. I used the wrong variable. This time I can not get the data I need. What can I do. I resorted to my supervisor, Prof. Wu.

About ten days ago, Prof. Wu came to my place in the workstation asked to go to his office. He recommended me to change my topic since the time is limited. The risk is very high if I kept on the old topic. He is right. I am not sure whether I can handle the program. Using Bayesian approach to estimate a state space model and do the simulation. What's worse, the variance-covariance matrix is asymmetric. He offered me a new topic, CDS. What I know about CDS at that time is that it represents Credit Default Swaps. A totally new topic to me. Anyway, it is an emerging area and is new to most of us. He asked not to work on the sophisticated model, it'll relative easy.

These few days, I read the papers Prof. Wu had sent to me. I learnt something new and asked some foolish questions. Now it is much better.

I hope I can become an expert on CDS some time later. Haha~~
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Are you Morgan Stanley?

Just came back from the talk by Morgan Stanley at SMU. It is a good evening today. I learn more about Morgan Stanley. It always seems exciting to work in such big company, especially such Big Bank. In my opinion, what attract fresh most is the training opportunities it offers. No matter you are interns or full-employes, it offers training course over the world not restricted in a certain branch. In view of this, I do like to join Morgan Stanley. But lack of courage, lack of self-confidence.

Any way, put it away, working at global investment bank is exciting, challenging, and have to work very long hours. Being a sales trader, you have to play a very active role to connect with your clients and keep good relationships with them at the same time you have to find new clients. Another point is that you must seek for ways to help clients which at the same time to help yourself.

FCG (Finacial department) may be not so exciting or challenging to somebody, but attract me more. Because my background matches it better in appear. I can read the financial statements.

Operation generally takes four kind of responsibilities: Processing, Risk management (Tightly managing operation risk. i.e. make sure that the entire risks the company takes are not go out of what you like to bear.), Client services (I think that is the mission for all service companies and for all their departments), and Enable Growth (Everyone wants to growth the same to the company).
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Last Sat.

Last Sat. morning, I went to a finance professorial semiar, in fact, it is a recruitment meeting. More than ten companies are there. I was told that the meeting was going to begin at 9am, hence, I got up early that morning. But, but, when I arrived there, I thought I went to the wrong place. There were only a few persons decorating the hall. It was five mins to 9am. Then what XL talked at the last Toastmaster meeting came into my mind, “Singaporean never being punctual”. That day I did have a clear idea about that. The meeting start at 10. I knew that being late is not a patent of Chinese. But what confuse me is that Singaporean seem live at a much faster pace than Chinese. How can that happen? Any way that is the truth.

Back to the point. I dropped at several stops. What caught my eye is that, most of the companies have a department called 'Chinese Service' something like that. So, I asked what's the responsibility of it and what kind of service they offer. A senior from Deloitte explained to me that it is somekind like cooperate. The next sentence hurted me, "Chinese branch doesn't have enough people so we have to send people there to help them." How come a big country doesn't have enough smart people while a city country have? "It is because that different people have different experience and tend to look from different angles." May be that is part of the reason but it did call for us to deep thought.

Deutsche Bank seems good to me.

I didn't even bring a copy of CV with me but still benefited from it.

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推荐一本好书

推荐一本好书，一本大家都适合看的书。Angie Morgan和Courtney Lynch所著Leading from the Front: No Excuse Leadership Tactics for Women一书，Lead Star LLC2006年登记版权。陈桂华译

刚看了一篇摘自此书的文章,击中了要害,不错的书,特别适合女同胞们看.不过我想男同胞们也是可以借鉴的. 我看了那部分题为"不要为自己找借口"这句话我最早的体会是高中的数学老师说的.记得那时,他总是说,"考不好,就是考不好,就是不会,没有什么借口可说的.会的话就不应该出错.做错了就要承认不会.高考的时候谁会相信你都会,只是什么什么……"感觉有异曲同工之美。但是我想这是很多人会患的毛病，只是很多时候没有觉察到。所以，要给自己找借口的时候冷静的思考一下。
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Idea

Idea. The most important thing is idea. No matter what you do idea is the critical. More and more I feel that.
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